6/3/09 again

I feel like whenever I go out with anyone or hang out, I just disappear into the background somehow. It's like no matter how smart comebacks I make or how impish I act, no one can ever remember me the next day. I make no impression. Unless I am their stage manager, people have to ask me how I'm involved with the show.

What is it about me that people don't want to learn more about?

And I feel really self-indulgent just saying these things, like I should be happy with what I have, but the truth is, it hurts when the people whose birthdays I would go to and support, don't want to celebrate mine.

And the truth is, that this isn't a new phenomena. I've never had a party, let alone a birthday party, that even half the people I invite showed up.

Meiko: Hawaii

I wanna go to Hawaii
Build my castle out of sand
I won't need anybody
Telling me that i can't

And you can't see that you see me
If you don't know who i am
You can't see that you need me
And neither one of us can be found
And neither of of us can be found

I wanna soak up the water
I dream about you every night
And in my mind will be an order
Take it away in just one flight

And you can't see that you see me
If you don't know who i am
You can't see that you need me
And neither one of us can be found
And neither one of us can be found
And neither one of us can be found